Even the most avid, voracious reader has experienced a reading slump. You know the feeling. Whether it's the result of a vicious book hangover, crazy work hours, or seasonal depression, many (if not all) of us have experienced that sinking sense that comes with picking up book after book and putting them all down before reaching the end of chapter 2. It's a frustrating feeling and, for me, it typically signals a down swing in my overall mental health.
I have suffered from anxiety and depression for my entire adult life and I have slowly learned to recognize and cope with it better but it's a long, ongoing process. In the last few years I realized that my reading slumps directly correspond with bouts of heightened anxiety and depression. I still haven't quite figured out if the lack of reading is what causes the anxiety or vise versa (though I suspect it's the latter) but after trying to start 4 or 5 books and failing, I can expect that the next couple weeks are going to be ROUGH.
I recently went through one of these periods. I finished The Book Thief by Markus Zusak and felt I needed something COMPETE LY different so I read A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking. And after finishing Hawking's book, I couldn't seem to read anything else. You'd think it would have been The Book Thief that destroyed me for weeks afterward, I did ugly cry when I finished it after all, but no. It was finally having Astrophysics and the great questions of the universe explained in a straight-forward yet tongue-in-cheek hilarious way by one of the most brilliant men of our time.
A Brief History of Time is a truly amazing book. I never took Physics and trying to read about it usually puts me in a haze. I attempted Astrophysics for People in a Hurry by Neil Degrasse Tyson a few months prior and couldn't begin to tell you what it was about. But, A Brief History of Time is delivered with a level of clarity that others sadly lack. It is written as though Stephen Hawking is speaking directly to you and reads like a one on one conversation full of self deprecation balanced with plenty of (perfectly warranted) personal emulation on Hawking's part. It's a lovely book and after finishing it, nothing has seemed to measure up.
I went 2 weeks without reading a book. While blissfully short in the grand scheme of reading slumps, it feels like an eternity when you're home with a baby all day, everyday with no chance for the brief escape you've come to depend on for mental stability. It ended one night at 3:30am when I quietly crept to the bathroom and had an anxiety attack. Laying on the bathroom floor with my eyes and nose running uncontrollably, gasping for air and naming whatever I see (toilet, sink, rug, mirror, shower) to try to ground myself and slow the irrational feeling of impending doom, the dark cloud was finally able to dissipate. I cleaned myself up, crawled back into bed and lay awake reading, and finishing, A Darker Shade of Magic by V. E. Schwab.
I finally fell asleep at 8:30am and when I was awoken by my 9 month old 2 hours later, my whole body ached, except my head. The headache that I had stopped noticing was finally gone. The healing had begun.
It's such a quick turn around and it causes people, myself included, to want to shrug it off. "I was being silly. I was overreacting. I was acting crazy." But this cycle is never ending and those weeks are disruptive to my life. They have tanked me in college and lead me down some dangerous roads in my early 20's. I'm lucky enough to be the happiest I've ever been in my life. I live in the city of my dreams with the man I never dared dream existed and the beautiful child I never thought I'd have. Life is good but the anxiety follows me into the happiest of places. That is mental illness. It is something I will always have to live with and, while it does get a bit easier, it's never easy and, like the flu, it seems to constantly find new ways to attack you.
I have learned to recognize my reading slumps as an indicator of dark days ahead but it took me YEARS to make this connection. Finding early red flags has helped me get ahead of the spiral so I can reach out to people and try to let those closest to me know that things are going to get rocky and to just stick with me because "this too shall pass".
Does this apply to other people as well? Have you noticed other early warning sings of declining mental health? And what are some tools you have found that help you cope through tough times? Please drop a comment. Stay healthy, practice self-care, and remember, you are not alone.
Tuesday, January 1, 2019
Book Review - An Absolutley Remarkable Thing by Hank Green
Drink Pairing: Manhattan or something equally bitter with a touch of sweetness.
Some nights, instead of watching HG TV or The Food Network, my husband and I play YouTube videos for each other. During one of these binge fests Hank Green announced that we was writing a book. I. Was. Pumped.
About 5 years ago I read Looking for Alaska by John Green, followed shortly there after by the rest of his works (with the exception of The Fault in Our Stars, don't @ me). So I was ecstatic when I found out that same author gave lessons on YouTube in the form of Crash Course World History! I diligently devoured all available content as any good fan would. When I met my husband and started watching the Vlog Brothers, I was equally taken with John Green's younger brother Hank and I desperately wished for a book from this other brilliant Green brother.
This September I got my wish when Hank Green published An Absolutely Remarkable Thing. I have been trying not to buy myself anymore books until I get through a chunk of my TBR pile, so, imagine my delight when AART was available as a Book of the Month choice! The story has an interesting Sci-Fi element but is ultimately about how 23 year old April May handles sudden internet fame (not well) and it took me an embarrassingly long time to read.
The story opens with April May, New York based Art School graduate, strolling home in the wee hours of the morning from her miserable job at a failing start-up. She passes by a sculpture that she has never seen before only to turn around and call her friend Andy to hurry to her side to get the 'first take' on what they assume is a temporary (if stunningly imposing) sculpture. They make a video and go their separate ways only to find out the next morning that they are internet famous for making 'first contact' with what becomes known as 'New York Carl'. You see, it turns out that there are actually dozens of Carls that turned up, inexplicably, in major cities around the world at the exact same time. These 'Carls' bring with them puzzles that can only be solved if people around the world work together to do so.
Now, this is all very intriguing, but this story isn't really about the Carls, this story is about April May. What follows is a tragic, albeit over-dramatized, look at what happens to us and the people we love when we are more concerned with the number of 'likes' we get from perfect strangers than we are with our own happiness and well-being. It is not nearly as obnoxious as it could be and I think that is in no small part thanks to the fact that the whole story is told from the POV of what I take to be a present day April May looking back at herself making some terrible decisions and causing chaos to herself and the people around her.
Now, while I had trouble getting into the flow of the book, I still liked it. I was frustrated with the cliff hanger ending mostly because I probably would have read the sequel anyway, but now I feel completely obligated. I'm 338 pages into this story with WEEKS of time invested and I have more questions than answers.
Finally, and this may say more about me than the book, but I don't think most of these things would have bothered me if it was categorized as a YA Novel. Don't get me wrong, I have read and LOVED some YA Fiction but when I was walking through the bookstore and spotted this in the regular Fiction section when I had assumed it was YA, I felt my feelings for this book shift.
Overall, I'm glad Hank Green has started writing and I hope that he will continue to grow as a writer. I no longer have to wish but maybe this is a lesson in being careful what you wish for? Or, after the next book, maybe I will be devastated by the brilliance! (I'm not careful what I wish for.)
*************** SPOILERS AHEAD****************SPOILERS AHEAD****************
The dream is actually my favorite part of the book and I wish there was a way we could have spent more time there. I'm disappointed that the Carls have left because I would have been far more excited about a second book if I could have looked forward to spending more time there.
The fire felt unnecessary. The stakes became very high very quickly, basically because April May decided she was too important to die, and then she was proven correct? It's hard to see how this could have a positive effect on the behavior of someone with an already over inflated ego but I'm hoping things will become clear in the sequel.
The decision to have April May sleep with Miranda felt like a reach. There didn't seem to be anything before this moment to suggest that Miranda was THAT into April May and it wasn't really important to the rest of the story either. I could have done without it. The whole thread felt like it was thrown in to make April May seem like she had gone off the rails but read like it was written by someone who has no idea what that might actually look like from the inside.
And, of course, that ending. She dies graphically in a planned warehouse fire only to come knocking at Andy door a few weeks later. How did she get out of the warehouse? Where has she been all this time?
Unless it's not April May at the door at all. But who else would it be? Have Maya and Miranda come to surprise Andy with a group, energy-healing, three-some? God, I hope so. Can some one please write that story so I can cool off before slogging into the next book? Because I have to read it, I don't really have a choice. Now pass the booze.
Some nights, instead of watching HG TV or The Food Network, my husband and I play YouTube videos for each other. During one of these binge fests Hank Green announced that we was writing a book. I. Was. Pumped.
About 5 years ago I read Looking for Alaska by John Green, followed shortly there after by the rest of his works (with the exception of The Fault in Our Stars, don't @ me). So I was ecstatic when I found out that same author gave lessons on YouTube in the form of Crash Course World History! I diligently devoured all available content as any good fan would. When I met my husband and started watching the Vlog Brothers, I was equally taken with John Green's younger brother Hank and I desperately wished for a book from this other brilliant Green brother.
This September I got my wish when Hank Green published An Absolutely Remarkable Thing. I have been trying not to buy myself anymore books until I get through a chunk of my TBR pile, so, imagine my delight when AART was available as a Book of the Month choice! The story has an interesting Sci-Fi element but is ultimately about how 23 year old April May handles sudden internet fame (not well) and it took me an embarrassingly long time to read.
The story opens with April May, New York based Art School graduate, strolling home in the wee hours of the morning from her miserable job at a failing start-up. She passes by a sculpture that she has never seen before only to turn around and call her friend Andy to hurry to her side to get the 'first take' on what they assume is a temporary (if stunningly imposing) sculpture. They make a video and go their separate ways only to find out the next morning that they are internet famous for making 'first contact' with what becomes known as 'New York Carl'. You see, it turns out that there are actually dozens of Carls that turned up, inexplicably, in major cities around the world at the exact same time. These 'Carls' bring with them puzzles that can only be solved if people around the world work together to do so.
Now, this is all very intriguing, but this story isn't really about the Carls, this story is about April May. What follows is a tragic, albeit over-dramatized, look at what happens to us and the people we love when we are more concerned with the number of 'likes' we get from perfect strangers than we are with our own happiness and well-being. It is not nearly as obnoxious as it could be and I think that is in no small part thanks to the fact that the whole story is told from the POV of what I take to be a present day April May looking back at herself making some terrible decisions and causing chaos to herself and the people around her.
Now, while I had trouble getting into the flow of the book, I still liked it. I was frustrated with the cliff hanger ending mostly because I probably would have read the sequel anyway, but now I feel completely obligated. I'm 338 pages into this story with WEEKS of time invested and I have more questions than answers.
Finally, and this may say more about me than the book, but I don't think most of these things would have bothered me if it was categorized as a YA Novel. Don't get me wrong, I have read and LOVED some YA Fiction but when I was walking through the bookstore and spotted this in the regular Fiction section when I had assumed it was YA, I felt my feelings for this book shift.
Overall, I'm glad Hank Green has started writing and I hope that he will continue to grow as a writer. I no longer have to wish but maybe this is a lesson in being careful what you wish for? Or, after the next book, maybe I will be devastated by the brilliance! (I'm not careful what I wish for.)
*************** SPOILERS AHEAD****************SPOILERS AHEAD****************
The dream is actually my favorite part of the book and I wish there was a way we could have spent more time there. I'm disappointed that the Carls have left because I would have been far more excited about a second book if I could have looked forward to spending more time there.
The fire felt unnecessary. The stakes became very high very quickly, basically because April May decided she was too important to die, and then she was proven correct? It's hard to see how this could have a positive effect on the behavior of someone with an already over inflated ego but I'm hoping things will become clear in the sequel.
The decision to have April May sleep with Miranda felt like a reach. There didn't seem to be anything before this moment to suggest that Miranda was THAT into April May and it wasn't really important to the rest of the story either. I could have done without it. The whole thread felt like it was thrown in to make April May seem like she had gone off the rails but read like it was written by someone who has no idea what that might actually look like from the inside.
And, of course, that ending. She dies graphically in a planned warehouse fire only to come knocking at Andy door a few weeks later. How did she get out of the warehouse? Where has she been all this time?
Unless it's not April May at the door at all. But who else would it be? Have Maya and Miranda come to surprise Andy with a group, energy-healing, three-some? God, I hope so. Can some one please write that story so I can cool off before slogging into the next book? Because I have to read it, I don't really have a choice. Now pass the booze.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)